Scattershot Symphony – The Music of Peter Link
A Podcast
Havin’ A Talk With God #15 – Sex 201
Thyme goes deep into the birds and bees.
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Havin’ A Talk With God
Episode #15 – Sex 201
Thyme
Oh God …
God
Oh Thyme …
Thyme
I got ma’ list …
God
What list?
Thyme
You know, ma’ list a’ sex questions that I told ya’ that I was gonna make.
God
Oh, that list …
Thyme
Well, like I said, Mama don’t talk, an’ ma’ daddy’s up an’ gone, so who’s gonna tell me ‘bout the birds an’ the bees? Seems like yer elected.
God
Oh brother … What about Lizzie? I just don’t think I’m the right uh, well uh, uh …
Thyme
You, of all people, are embarrassed! Now what’s that all about?
God
Well, first of all, I’m not people and secondly, I’m not the usual “turn to” help for this sorta thing. Can’t Lizzie help ya’ here?
Thyme
Well, God, you know Lizzie. Sex is ‘bout the first an’ last thing on her mind on her daily schedule, but somehow I jus’ don’t think I’m gonna get the straight dope on it from her. You know, her philosophy is more like, “Do it! Git it as much as ya’ can. Have a ball!” But she’s prob’ly on one end a’ the pendulum and little ol’ naive me, well, I’m out here on the other end. I’d kinda rather find somebody comin’ at it from the middle.
God
Well, that makes sense.
Thyme
That’s all ya’ got ta’ say?
God
Uh huh.
Thyme
Well, I declare. I thought I could bring you jus’ ‘bout anything.
God
Well, ya’ can, Thyme. Of course ya’ can. No, I can philosophize about it, you know, give you some guidelines, but … I get the feelin’ you’re lookin’ for more than that.
Thyme
Well, yeah! I need ta’ know all ‘bout them details. You know. What am I ‘spose ta’ do ta’ him and what is he allowed ta’ do ta’ me?
God
Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.
Thyme
I thought you was ‘fraid a’ nothin’!
God
Well, maybe “afraid” is not the right word. Uh … It’s more .. uh … like uh … well it’s just awkward. I mean, I’ve never done the details before an’ I’m not sure I’d know where ta’ start. It’s such a human thing, ya’ know … ya’ see … I … I …
Thyme
Well I ’spose it starts with kissin’, maybe holdin’ hands, maybe jus’ starin’ at each other kinda googily like, but after a’ while I guess people begin ta’ git bored with the preliminaries and move it on ta’ pettin’.
God
Uh huh. Uh huh … Go on.
Thyme
Well, yeah, that’s where it really starts gittin’ intres’tin’! An’ that’s where I begin ta’ git all ma’ questions.
God
Uh huh.
Thyme
I mean, when it comes ta’ pettin’ what am I ‘sposed ta’ do? Jus’ sit there while he rubs his hands all over me?
God
Well, maybe you’re ‘spose ta’ enjoy it, you know … an’ maybe even rub back a little.
Thyme
Well I imagine that could be fun. I didn’t know I could rub back.
God
Ya’ see, these are the kinda things you should be talkin’ ta’ Lizzie about.
Thyme
Well, accordin’ ta’ her, ya’ do a lot more than jus’ rubbin’ back.
God
Yeah, that’s the kinda stuff I’m not very well versed in.
Thyme
But God, you invented the whole idea of copulation, an’ gave us all the equipment fer it, but yer not very well versed in it? Now that don’t make no sense.
God
Ya’ got a point there, Thyme. Maybe I’m bein’ a bit silly here in my awkwardness, but honestly, this is a bit outta my wheelhouse.
Thyme
I’m not lookin’ ta’ understand the act itself. I seen enough a’ that. Afterall, I am a farm girl. But the animals all seem so violent when they do it. Seems like we humans jus’ oughta do it differently.
God
Well yeah, you’re right, Thyme. And many do “do it differently.” They do it lovingly. Actually, come ta’ think of it, Love is probably the answer to most of your questions.
Thyme
Yeah, as usual. Love seems ta’ be the answer ta’ everybody’s questions on every thing.
God
Uh huh.
Thyme
Here ya’ go again with all the uh huhs.
God
Uh huh.
Thyme
So let’s git back ta’ sex.
God
OK …
Thyme
It strikes me that the area between the kissin’ an’ the copulation part is the confusin’ part. Wouldn’t you say?
God
Yeah, I think you’re probably right there. Go on …
Thyme
Well. I was hopin’ that you might have a few things ta’ say on that.
God
(no response)
Thyme
God? God? Don’t be goin’ away now. I need ya’ ta’ hang in here with me.
God
OK, OK, I’m here. I’m here.
Thyme
Let’s talk ‘bout clothes. When do ya’ start takin’ ‘em off. An’ do ya’ do it all at once or jus’ piece by piece. An’ do ya’ do it together, you know, back an’ forth or am I expected ta’ do it first while he’s jus’ sittin’ there googlin’ at me? Come ta’ think of it, does he undress me an’ I git ta undress him or what? I mean, what’s fair? C’mon! Who gits buck naked first? Tell ya’ the truth, sometimes I’m as interested in what the boys got as they is interested in what I got.
God
Well, now that’s honest. It’s certainly natural to be curious. Yeah. Maybe the word “natural” is another guideline like the word “love.” If you’re making love and it just seems and feels natural, you’re probably doin’ OK. But if you’re just doin’ sex and and it gets to the point of feeling unnatural, ya’ might just want to reconsider your next steps.
Thyme
You mean stop?
God
Stop. Pause. Postpone. Back off. Rethink. Slow it down and get it back to being lovingly natural.
Thyme
Now that’s what I was needin’ from ya’, God. I knew ya’ could do it. That weren’t so bad, was it?
God
No Thyme, that wasn’t so bad.
Thyme
You think we could talk like this again some time? Like maybe again tomorrow? We could prob’ly spend a week on this subject.
God
Uh huh.
Thyme
You already said that.
God
I know.
Thyme
Tomorrow I’d like ta’ add the name a’ the Reverend Josiah Washburn inta’ the conversation. I’d maybe like ta’ try out some a’ the philosophes we’ve discovered today on him. Might be interestin’. You think we could add him to the mix?
God
I think he’d be very pleased to join us … I mean, you know, join you – it certainly doesn’t need to be the three of us.
Thyme
I know he’s a minister an’ all, but Lizzie says, “Don’t worry none ‘bout him. At the heart a’ the matter, he’s all boy!”
God
I believe Lizzie’s got that right.
Thyme
She may be all sexed up, but she’s also smart as hell.
God
To put it mildly …
Thyme
OK, then. You’ve given me a lot to build on. You’re right ‘bout the three of us. That would be a bit weird now, wouldn’t it? Probably I can take it from here.
God
Oh, absolutely. I think you’ll do just fine.
Thyme
OK then. See ya’ tomorrow. We can finalize the plan. Can’t wait.
God
Me neither …
Introducing our New Series on Scattershot Symphony
Our new mini-series, Havin’ A Talk With God, is a prelude to a new Podcast Musical set to premiere in September 2022 …
Get to know Thyme Quinn — and through the course of her conversations with her good ol’ pal, God, — eavesdrop on the prayers of a most complex character searching for Truth in her daily struggle to understand her own complexities – complexities that we all struggle with daily.
We’ll be presentin’ this weekly, an’ doncha worry none, each episode won’t take ya’ more ‘an 5 or 6 minutes a shot. Along the way we promise lots a’ food for thought, a lotta laughs, an’ even a revelation or two regardin’ your own life.
Try it. He’s a different kinda God. He talks back … in plain English.
Click to Learn More About Peter Link and Scattershot Symphony
Peter Link is an American composer, lyricist, music producer, stage director, and presently CEO/Creative Director of Watchfire Music, an on-line Inspirational record company and music store. During his career, Peter has been nominated twice for the Tony Award, including Neil Simon’s The Good Doctor and Joseph Papp’s production of William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, won the NY Critics’ Drama Desk Award for Salvation out of which came his first million-selling record, “(If You Let Me Make Love to You Then) Why Can’t I Touch You?”, and worked, mainly as a composer in a number of entertainment mediums ranging from pop music to Broadway, television, ballet, films and Inspirational music.
From Wikipedia/Peter Link
Join Peter Link as he presents his life’s work in his podcast, “Scattershot Symphony.” Each episode looks at a different movement in the symphony of his life’s work, which spans some 40 years. Though it’s roughly 90 percent music, Peter manages to regale the listeners with fascinating stories and anecdotes related to his music over the years. Tune in and subscribe to Scattershot Symphony — The Music of Peter Link.