A Fly In The Ointment

“WE GOT A FLY IN THE OINTMENT”
Lyrics by Larry Rossler
Music by Peter Link

WE GOT A FLY IN THE OINTMENT
NOW AIN’T THAT A SHAME

 

IKE & FRANK

A WORM IN OUR APPLE

A MOTH IN OUR FLAME

 

IKE, FRANK & TOM

A MINOR DISTRACTION

BUT NEVERTHELESS

 

IKE, FRANK, TOM & BILLY

A FLY IN THE OINTMENT
HAD BETTER BE SWATTED I GUESS

 

TOM

That’s right.

1-2-25

IKE

WE GOT A LETTER FROM THE GOVERNOR                                           THAT YOU’RE GONNA BE OUR MAN                                                                                     NOW YOU’RE IN THE FAMILY                                                                WELCOME TO THE CLANTON CLAN

FRANK                                                          LEARN TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY                                                                                                      AND YOU MIGHT GET A RAISE IN PAY                                                            NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT SIR?

(Offers a check to WYATT.)

WYATT                                                          I SAY SHOVE IT IN YOUR HAT, SIR

DOC
(Suddenly stepping between IKE and WYATT)
What he means to say is he’s proud to serve the people of Tombstone and looks forward to working with you in a spirit of cooperation.  No extra incentive is necessary. Isn’t that what you mean to say, Wyatt? Wyatt?

 

WYATT

What I mean to say is: You try to buy this sheriff, and you’ll be negotiatin’ with the barrel of his shotgun.

IKE

Well, Mr. Earp…

 

WYATT

Well, Mr. Clanton…

 

WYATT [CUT BOLD]

LOOKS LIKE

WE GOT A FLY IN THE OINTMENT

A BUG OUR BED

WYATT & MORGAN
A FLEA IN OUR FLANNELS

A LOUSE ON OUR HEAD

 

WYATT, MORGAN & VIRGIL

A MINOR DISTRACTION

BUT NEVERTHELESS

A FLY IN THE OINTMENT

HAD BETTER BE SWATTED I GUESS

1-2-26

WYATT

That’s right…

(EARPS cross to CLANTONS and MCLAURYS. DOC splits them and turns to WYATT.)

 

DOC

IF I COULD ADD A WORD OF REASON TO

THIS RIVETING DEBATE

SIMPLY PUT, THE WORD IS “WHOA!”

SIMMER DOWN, NEGOTIATE

 

WYATT

SIMMER DOWN?  I’LL TELL YOU WHAT

HE CAN CLEAN MY CHAMBER POT

 

(Moving to TOM)

WYATT (continued)

NOW TELL ME HOW YOU VOTE, SIR

 

TOM

I VOTE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT, SIR

 

DOC

(Stepping between TOM and WYATT)

Wyatt, what Tom means to say is he understands your position and will give your proposal all due thought and consideration. Isn’t that right, Tom?

(TOM spits on the ground.)

 

IKE

Well, Mr. Earp . .

 

WYATT

Well, Mr. Clanton. . .

(DOC observes the scene’s mounting tension from UC.)

WYATT (continued
LOOKS LIKE
MINOR DISTRACTION

BUT NEVERTHELESS

 

EARPS, MCLAURYS & CLANTONS

WE GOT A FLY IN THE OINTMENT

A MOUSE IN OUR TRUNK

A FOX IN OUR HENHOUSE

A SKUNK IN OUR BUNK

A

EARPS, MCLAURYS & CLANTONS
A FLY IN THE OINMENT
HAD BETTER BE SWATTED I GUESS

YES!

 

WE GOT A FLY IN THE OINTMENT!

A SNAKE IN THE WELL!

A RAT IN THE RAFTERS!

A BAD AWFUL SMELL!

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN

THE WORLD’S OUT OF TUNE

THAT FLY IN THE OINTMENT
WE GOT TO GET RID OF IT SOON

 

IKE

Soon, Mr. Earp.

 

EARPS, MCLAURYS & CLANTONS

WE GOT TO GET RID OF IT SOON

 

WYATT

Soon, Ike, and it’s Sheriff Earp.

 

EARPS, MCLAURYS & CLANTONS

WE GOT TO GET RID OF IT
RID EVERY BIT OF IT

GOT TO GET RID OF IT SOON!