Rosemary And Thyme
Episode #10 – The Purple People Purveyor
Scene 1
Professor Dikke Matumbeh
Sedona, Arizona. Something is happening there that we are trying to understand. It is unprecedented. Have you ever been to Sedona, Arizona? It is somewhat like arriving on Mars. Desert — as far as the eye can see, and then great red unearthly rock structures rise, jutting into the sky — as if the Earth cannot contain itself. It is no wonder. The Sedona, Arizona vortex is one of the most powerful of the Earth. And, of recent, it has increased its energy by nearly 30%. I’ve not seen this in my lifetime of observation. Some calamitous portent? I do not know. But I do know this. I am going.
Scene 2a
(We hear the engine of the car puttering away as they drive down the highway.)
Thyme
Oh Josiah, the Lord is watchin’ over us for sure. Here we are in our very own automobile jus’ drivin’ across America like we’s on vacation. Have you noticed how people jus’ wave an’ smile at us as they pass us by — jus’ like we was royalty or somethin’!
Josiah
Must be the purple car.
Thyme
Well, whatever it is, it sure is nice. I’m startin’ to feel like a real family. An’ jus’ think, we’re almost to California!
Josiah
Darlin’, we only gone 69 miles!
Thyme
Well, we goin’ so fast, we be there in no time. How fast we goin now, Josiah, look again. Wow, close to forty miles per hour!
Josiah
That’s actually not very fast. At this rate, it’ll be days ‘fore we git there. Still about a thousand miles as far as I reckon.
Thyme
Oh I don’t care. [Music] This drivin ‘cross the country is jus’ so far beyond anything I ever imagined. Why, we’s havin’ a real adventure, ain’t we? I could jus’ drive an’ drive an’ drive …
This song will have the incessant energy of the car traveling across the earth, yet the space and dreamy atmosphere of her lost train of thought.
I Have Wings On My Soul
Thyme
Lookin’ out the window
At the world goin’ by
Feelin’ the hunger of America
Goin’ where I know not where
Through a land that takes me where
I know not
I’m watchin’ sage brush an’ sky
An’ a hundred miles go by
An’ not a word is spoken ‘tween my love an’ I
An’ I wonder jus’ what lies in store ahead
And oh the land
So much land
‘Tween my Mama an’ me
I’m so grateful that she is free
Of a life ‘a waitin’
]
An’ as we take this flight
An’ as the night comes on ta’ meet us
Blood across the sky
An’ the echoes of my life get left behind
An’ oh my soul
An’ oh my child
What’s to become of us
We who cut an’ run
We who steal away into the night
Into the sun
Once again on the Mother Road
Route 66
Refugees from the Dust Bowl
An’ this ol’ road before us
Keeps on takin’ its toll
I donno, God, I donno
I wish I knew like you
I wish there was jus’ somethin’ I could cling to
Jus’ where are those wings you said were mine
But oh the never knowing gets me down
What’s comin’ up the road ahead
Is out of my control
At every turn there seems to be
A mountain to climb
But then again
I remember
I have wings on my soul
I have wings on my soul
Yes wings enough to take me where I’m bound
And faith enough to carry me through
This whole rigmarole
I’m on my way
This child an’ I
We’ll survive
Cuz I have wings on my soul
Yes I have wings on my soul
Lookin’ out the window
At the world goin’ by
At the world goin’ by …
The music fades as they drive on down the road,
Scene 2b
Thyme (continues)
Yeah, I could jus’ drive an’ drive an’ drive until these ol’ wings jus’ lift us all up offa the earth. (She hums a little tune as the car drives on. Then …) Ya’ know what, Josiah? Next time when we stop, let’s us jus’ splurge and go shoppin’.
Josiah
Now Darlin’, you know we ain’t got the money for that. We have to conserve every cent we got.
Thyme
I don’t mean nothin’ big … jus’ a couple a’ Twinkies, you know, like livin’ high off the hog. One Twinkie for me an’ the baby an’ maybe even two for you! Oh Honey, could we do that? That would jus’ be lovely! An wash ‘em all on down with an RC!
Josiah
OK, Baby, that sounds like a great idea. We’re jus’ comin’ up ta’ Amarillo on up ahead. We’ll find us a place to stop there.
Scene 3
Gabriel
So now I take you to Howdy’s Gas Station Deluxe Convenience Store, Amarillo, Texas. Josiah at the pumps cleanin’ the windshield while Thyme splurges away in the store and waits in line for the cashier, counting the change in her mason jar. The woman waiting in line behind her is gettin’ a kick outta her fumblin’ with the Twinkies an’ the loose change. Finally …
Scene 4
Woman Behind Her
‘Scuse me. Can I help you with all that there, Honey?
Thyme
(Totally focused on not dropping it all on the floor)
Uuuhhh, aaagggr, no, thank you ma’am, I got it … I guess I jus’ need three hands. (Crash) Aaawww …
Gabriel (one liner)
So she drops the change all over the floor and they both bend down scramblin’ to pick it all up. Twinkies, pennies, nickels an’ dimes an’ a big ol’ bottle of RC rollin’ away from the both of ‘em.
Thyme
Oh Lord, now look what I’ve gone an’ done … oh thank you ma’am, you’re jus’ so sweet to … (gasp) Lizzie? Lizzie!! Oh my God in Heaven, Lizzie! I thought you … oh Lizzie, you’re alive! Oh Lizzie, I’m so happy to see you! What in tarnation are you doing here?
Lizzie
Well, I work here. I’m a stock girl. An’ I just been waitin’ for you to come ‘n git me. I know’d you was comin’. I never doubted!
Scene 5
Gabriel
Well, you shoulda seen the two of ‘em there kneelin’ on the floor, huggin’ an’ cryin’ an’ fallin’ all over each other crushin’ the Twinkies an’ scatterin’ the change. Then, you also shoulda seen Josiah’s face when the two of them came waltzin’ out of Howdy’s Convenience store laughin’ and dancin’ right there in the parking lot. Lizzie had just quit her job on the spot … an’ was on her way, that’s right … to California!
Scene 6
(We hear the sound of the car drivin’ on the road,)
Lizzie
Last thing I remember is that ol’ porch roof a creakin’ an’ a crashin’ all aroun’ me. Then I looked up and saw the entire roof of the house take off an go sailin’ away along with the chickens and an ol’ lawnmower. I remember thinkin’, “I didn’t know that cows could fly.”
Next thing I know’d, I woke up an’ I was fallin’ from the sky. It was all sorta peaceful like. I weren’t scared. Cuz I jus’ knew I was havin’ one of my flyin’ dreams, so I jus’ started doin’ the breaststroke like I do in my dreams, but it weren’t workin’ and I went kersplash into the stinkiest ol’ water I ever been in. All I could think of was water moccasins! Eeeuuuuh … Luckily I can swim pretty good, so I got outta there lickety split. First thing I thought was, “Now where the Hell am I? An’ where the hell is Thyme an’ the baby Jesus?”
Josiah
Lizzie, that is some kinda story. I’m not quite sure what to do with it. Why, it’s just another miracle, I ‘spose.
Thyme
Imagine! What’s the chances of that ever happenin’? I’m beginnin’ to think we must have a guardian angel lookin’ over us …
Lizzie & Josiah
Uh hmm, uh huh, uh hmm.
Lizzie
Once, when I was a little girl I got lost from my mama in the five an’ dime. I was so scared I wet my pants an’ hid under the counter so no one would know. By the time my mama found me she was ‘bout half crazy. She didn’t know whether to hug me or slap me. But she made me promise with the fear of God, that if I EVER got lost again I should not move one step from where I was. So here I was, lost again. I wasn’t gonna be goin’ nowhere. So I jus’ stayed put. And waited …
Josiah
Well I’ll be …
Thyme
Well I’ll be …
(Now Thyme breaks down crying.)
Lizzie
Oh Thyme … I’m sorry … what’d I say? Ya’ got big ol’ tears streamin’ down ya’ face.
Thyme
(crying through it all)
As hard as I tried ta’ stay positive like, truth is, I was beginnin’ ta’ think we’d lost ya’. I’m sorry I couldn’t a’ been stronger for ya’, but … it jus’ didn’t make no sense. You’s my bestest friend in the world, an’ I couldn’t imagine goin’ down this road we’re on without ya’. An’ here ya’ are! (She breaks down again.) Oh Lizzie, that moment back at the market when I looked up an’ there you was, jus’ standin’ there … well, I thought I was dreamin’. Fact is, I’m still sittin’ here pinchin’ myself blue … (breaks down again)
Lizzie
Oh Thyme, you’re jus’ shakin’ all over.
Thyme
Oooo, I feel like I’m gonna faint ‘er somethin’. This is all jus’ a little much …
Josiah
Lizzie, she jus’ loves ya’ so much. We both held ya’ tight in our prayers every day.
Thyme
Oh me, I’m so happy, I think I’m gonna throw up. Open the window! Aauugghh …
(We hear the wind from the opening window of the car and then hear Thyme throwing up.)
Josiah
Ya’ want me ta’ pull over?
Lizzie
Oh Lord, what have I done? You all right, girl?
Thyme
No, I’m all right. Phew! But I’m sorry, Josiah, I got it all over the car.
Lizzie
Well at least ya’ didn’t dump it in ma’ lap! C’mere. Let me clean y’up. (Smiling) How dare you goin’ an’ barfin’ all over this beautiful limousine!
Josiah
‘Least there was no one behind us.
Thyme
Eeuuuf, I ain’t feelin’ so good.
Josiah
Ya’ want me ta’ stop? Prob’ly a little too much excitement fer a lady with a baby in the cooker.
Thyme
Maybe so … maybe so …. Maybe if I jus’ lie down here in the back seat fer a spell …
Lizzie
Oh baby, you want some water ‘er somethin’?
Thyme
No thanks. I think Josiah’s right. Too much excitement fer me an’ the baby …
Lizzie
Well at least it’s all good, ain’t it? Well, ain’t it?
Josiah
Oh yeah, it’s all good, Lizzie. It’s all good. You’re back with us an’ sittin’ here in the front seat ridin’ shotgun again … jus’ like ol’ times, an’ here we are, back on the road an’ on our way ta’ California.
Gabriel (one liner)
(methodically)
So Thyme slept, an’ Josiah drove, an’ Lizzie, well, she jus’ sat shotgun, lookin’ out the window at the world passin’ by, an’ wondered at the many twists an’ turns that life brings.
Scene 7
[Music]
One More Miracle
Lizzie
(sings to herself)
It seems like it’s jus’
One more miracle
One more miracle after another
Miracle after miracle
Comin’ our way
Oh yeah as we push on down the road
Yes it seems like somethin’ bigger than us
Is up there lookin’ out for us
As we carry this precious motherload out there
To who knows where
Yeah the Lord done gave us
One more miracle
One more lucky ol’ break in our favor
When am I gonna fess it up
Give it on up, Oh Lizzie
There’s a whole lot left ta’ learn
Ya’ know it seems like somethin’ bigger than me
Is up there lookin’ out for me
As I run from a life of broken dreams
An’ move on to who knows where
What good am I anyway
Just a back country hick
From no place
Lookin’ fer the space to retrace my steps
An’ start all over again
An’ never go back, no never go back
Ta’ where I been
I’m tryin’ ta’ find some reason or rhyme
When the only good thing I got in life is time
Is Thyme … is Thyme …
An’ the hope she carries
Down this road
An’ one more miracle
One more miracle after another
Gonna be there for her
Down this road
Ta’ one more miracle
One more miracle after another
She the bestest friend I ever had
Gonna be there for her
As we roll on down this road
Mm Hmm
Oh yeah
Mm Hmm
Oh yeah
Mm Hmm
(The music crossfades to the sound of the the car on the road)
Scene 8
Gabriel
Well, y’all know by now, I jus’ love these people. They are the salt a’ the Earth. I sometimes think if ol’ Gabe were still alive, why he jus’ might be on this road trip with ‘em. I mean, after all, we was all friends back then, but I guess it jus’ weren’t in the cards. Sometimes, bein’ an angel an’ all ain’t always easy. We get to observe the human’s fun, but we don’t get to git down an actually play with ‘em, ya’ know. Like, I always kinda had an eye fer Lizzie, but , well, we’re jus’ not allowed, if ya’ know what I mean. Yeah, we got rules an’, by God, we simply do not break ‘em. And one of ‘em is that we must stay on the periphery a’ the action. Sometimes that’s hard. Cuz ya’ fall in love. An’ us angels, well, we’re jus’ suckers for love, cuz that’s about all we’re made of.
Fer instance, take this girl Thyme. Now it’s my job to take care a’ her an’ make sure a’ the outcome. I watch her go through life an’ make the choices she makes an’ stay so centered in herself an’ It’s no wonder ta’ me why God picked her. He picked her an’ yet he set up an obstacle course fer all of ‘em that would confound most humans, an’ quite honestly even a few angels I know. All ta’ make ‘em stronger … stronger fer what lies ahead. An’ I watch this girl go through it all with an equanimity that rivals the masters of her lineage.
That’s right! This girl, this woman to be, Thyme, she’s somethin’ special. If I was ta’ trace it fer ya’ right here an’ now, you’d see that her lineage goes all the way back to the first family a’ man, back to the beginnin’ a’ consciousness, back to the beginnin’ … of time. That’s “time”, spelled T-I-M-E.
Now if you’re wonderin’, goin’ back in time, there was first, Mama, Maybelle Quinn, an’ her daddy, Nathan Quinn, who was too much of a rascal to be remembered a’tall, an’ Maybelle’s Mama, Patience … an’ her Mama, an’ her Mama … all the way back to Mary an’ her Mama, Anne, of the Immaculate Conception fame.
Tracin’ it back beyond that, fer some folk is a matter of some speculation, but I got no needs ta’ speculate. I was there. That’s right. I was there through the times a’ King David an’ Boaz, an’ Isaac, an’ Jacob, an’ Abraham … all through the centuries.
An’ that’s why I’m here now — makin’ sure that the line continues. Yup. I am the epitome of the guardian angel. I am Gabriel.
Say, would ya’ like me ta’ play ya’ a little tune on ma’ trumpet? Yeah, I’ll bet ya’ would. Here ya’ go …
(He begins to play.)
Scene 9
Lizzie
(sings with him from afar)
Gabriel
I was jus’ thinkin’ ‘bout Gabriel playin’ that ol’ trumpet a’ his.
Oh Gabriel …
Oh where are you now?
Gabriel
Oh, ‘scuze me. Gotta go take care a’ ma’ job. Fer us angels, seems like the day never ends …
Lizzie
(back in the car)
What chu think ever happened to that ol’ Angel? I kinda miss him. Why I even find ma’self thinkin’ on ol’ stinky Gabe. Now there was quite a disguise fer an angel a’ God. Whodah ever thought it? Very clever, that ol’ angel …
Gabriel (one liner)
Well, I see here I wasn’t much needed. I was jus’ bein’ missed. It happens. Humans tend ta’ like ol’ Gabriel, here. I mean, who wouldn’t like to spend some time hangin’ out with an angel? After all …
Thyme (weary)
How long have we been traveling? It seems that we could get to Mars as fast as we could get to California!
Lizzie
You are so funny and so impatient. You’ve only been drivin’ on this road for a little over two hours this morning. It is barely daybreak, and the road is as deserted as Mars …
Thyme
How do you know Mars is deserted?
Lizzie
I don’t know pea-diddley about Mars. It’s just a figure of speech, for Pete’s sake. But you’re right. Drivin’ ‘cross this country at 40 miles an hour in this ol’ clunker is gonna take us forever to get to California. We’re just a bunch a’ po’ folk country bumkins tryin’ ta’ do somethin’ that’s way beyond us.
Thyme
What do you mean? Goodness! We got this here fancy automobile. We are rich.
Lizzie
Well, it is not a limousine, Thyme. This ol’ clunker is only moving cuz God is merciful.
Thyme
That’s what I mean. It is all relative. We are rich! Got a car, got food in the trunk. Got each other, and another one on the way. Rich I tell you!
(now proudly)
An’ by the way, Ms Doubtful, this “ol clunker” as you call it, is a 1966 Studebaker Commander, the last in a long line of famous automobiles, with a padded dash, a 195 horsepower V8 engine an’ a car radio right there in the dashboard. It’s what is called “A Classic.” Them’s the words a’ Mister Morgan Abernathy, the previous owner.
Lizzie
Well does the radio even work?
Thyme
You bet it works, real good! We been listenin’ to all kinds ‘a music from all over the country. Why, we even listened to Jazz, an’ real Symphony music, an’ Ms Celine Dion, an’ … an’ … an’, now who was them rappers, Josiah?
Josiah
(from the backseat, groggy an’ tryin’ to sleep)
Jay-z an’ that Tupac Shakur fella.
Lizzie
Well then put on some Country music why doncha.
Thyme
No, I wanna listen to that Ed Sheeran guy. He’s hot!
Josiah
Now Thyme, how would you know that?
Thyme
Well I can jus’ imagine now, can’t I?
Josiah
Lordy, and to think … you are the wife of a minister … (sigh) Now Ladies, I wanna sleep some. I’m gonna jus’ stretch out here in this back seat an’ get a few winks. Thyme, watch your gas. Got about a hundred miles left in the tank.
Lizzie
Oh, c’mon Josiah, we’ll keep it down low. Let’s jus’ see here if we can find some ‘a them oldies but goodies.
(We hear her begin to move through the various stations on the radio.)
Thyme
No way, Lizzie, jus’ find somethin’ soft an’ peaceful that I can drive to.
(We hear Lizzie continue to hunt through stations, not able to make up her mind.)
Lizzie
Oh my, now that’s nice … uh huh. (she switches) … Oh I like this song … (she switches) … Say, how ‘bout this one, Thyme?
Thyme
That’s fine …
(she switches)
Lizzie
Oh, remember this one Thyme …?
Thyme
Oh yeah, that’s nice too …
(she switches)
Thyme (in a whisper)
Lizzie, settle on somethin’ for god sakes. You’re drivin’ me crazy an’ Josiah’s tryin’ to get some sleep back there.
Lizzie
Oh all right … I was jus’ lookin’ for the perfect one. Guess that’s ‘bout the end ‘a my DJ days …
Thyme
Thank the lord …
(She settles on one song as they drive on)
Thyme
Well, lookee up ahead. I see someone on the road, so we are not so alone.
Lizzie
Where? … oh, I see … walking… looks like two people walkin’. What are you doing? Thyme, are you slowing down?
Thyme
Yes, I am.
Lizzie
Why on earth?
Thyme
Well, they might need help or somethin’?
Lizzie
Help? Hell, we need help!
Thyme
I’m pullin’ over. Now don’t wake Josiah.
Lizzie
Good Lord ‘a mercy … Thyme, you don’t wanna do this …
