Rosemary And Thyme
Episode #11 – Maria, Jose & Elvira
Scene 1
(Thyme pulls the car over to the side of the road and rolls down the window to speak to two people.)
Thyme
Good morning, you two.
Jose
Buenos dias, Señorita.
Thyme
Do you speak English?
Jose
Si …a little… Muy little.
Thyme
Do … do … you … two … need … help?
Maria
If you please, we be tres.
Thyme
Thres. Three? Oh! There are three of you! Where … ?
(And then she sees the baby.)
Oh, look. Oh, how precious. Such a tiny baby. You must be still nursing. Oh … oh … so if we feed her, we are feeding the baby, Lizzie.
Lizzie
Thyme … we can’t …
Thyme
Is it a boy or girl?
Jose
A boy.
Thyme
Oh, … look! I got a boy too! Only he just ain’t here yet! Now c’mon git in here. We’ll take ya’ with us. Where y’all goin’?
Maria
We not know.
Thyme
Well, neither do we! So git on in here an’ we’ll figure it out together!
Lizzie
Thyme … ! Are you crazy? We can’t jus’ …
(Thyme turns to the back seat and calls:)
Thyme
Josiah. Josiah!! Wake up. We’ve got company. Come on get up. Move over. You get ta share the back seat.
Josiah
Wha …? Who …? Wait just a moment here. Who are you? Thyme … ! Lizzie, what in the hell …
Lizzie
Move over, Josiah. We’re about to save some souls.
Thyme
Josiah, Darlin’ this is two weary strangers in need … an’ their little one, (what did you say his name was?)
Jose
Alejandro.
Thyme
Oooo Alejandro … oooo he’s beautiful!
Josiah
Good lord, that kid needs a change of diaper!
Lizzie
You can say that again!
Josiah
That kid needs a change of diaper.
Maria
Oh sir, we are very sorry. We run out!
Thyme
Well jus’ open you a window. We’ll get that fixed up in no time!
(JOSIAH grunts, grumps and moves over.)
Josiah
Good lord, Thyme. Ya’ coulda at least warned me. Where y’all from? Mexico?
Lizzie
Josiah, they don’t speak English. Maybe Martian? Huh Thyme?
Thyme
Would you get over the Mars thing? We don’t know where they are from, but it is definitely not Mars.
Lizzie
Oh, you mean like how Gabe was not from Oklahoma?
Thyme
Well, I don’t think they are angels.
Josiah
Well anyway, that’s Thyme, she’s Lizzie, an’ my name’s Josiah, an’ I’m a Bi-vocational Fundamentalist minis … oh, never mind that! What ‘er you called?
Maria
Maria
Jose
Jose
Josiah
Donde hacienda?
Jose
Ahh! Hacienda? Home?… Oh, si … Honduras. Sabanagrande, Honduras.
Josiah
That’s a long way from here. Why come here?
Maria
I will answer, please.
Josiah
Oh, you speak English?
Maria
Si. We must leave home very quick because very bad men take over our village to make drug. We want no part. They try to force us, but we escape. We must hide so they cannot come after us. On trip we feel it be safer if I be quiet. I stay at back of Jose … try to always keep Alejandro quiet. We thank you for your kindness. Gracias.
Josiah
Looks like we got a whole car full a runaways.
Maria
In America you run?
Josiah
Yup. But to where, who knows? We run from the kind of America that you want nothin’ to do with. Tryin’ to find a better America. It’s all America … the Land of the free, but people bein’ people, ya’ get all kinds.
Maria
Your country be bright star for us. We be often hungry, and do not feel free. Drug lords rule our home and life. They kill, they rape, many drug. We decide to escape for Alejandro life.
Josiah
Welcome aboard. We’re all escaping somethin’.
Maria
Please excuse. We have no money to pay. Coyotes be like bank for us. Hold money for us till come America, but when we arrive, they no longer.
Thyme
Oh, that is so sad. It makes me wanna cry. I’m glad you are here. You will be safe here. At least we don’t hurt babies in America, right? Where are you headed?
Maria
We go to New Mexico. Anywhere in New Mexico. We look for people. Spanish. Make good fit, happy home.
Thyme
Well, you are in New Mexico. You made it!
Maria
This be New Mexico? Jose, we now in New Mexico. This be no different from everywhere else. Where be Spanish people? Jose, we have come so far … for this …?
(Sad scene change music U/S — As the music plays we also hear the sound of the car driving across the land. All characters lost in thought as they travel on. Finally …)
Scene 2
Maria
Please excuse, Mr. Josiah. We not understand where you go. Just driving down road?
Josiah
No, we got a few ideas, but truthfully, we’re jus’ lookin’ for a place for Thyme to have our baby. So we’re headin’ out ta’ California. Jus’ goin’ west as far away as we can from the past.
Jose
Stop car.
Josiah
What?
Jose
Stop car. Must get out.
Josiah (slowing down)
You carsick? If you’re gonna barf, stick your head out the window.
Jose
No sick. Must get out.
Maria
No entiendo, Jose, porque debemos irnos, ellos son nuestros únicos amigos.
Jose
No, no, no. Ellos ni siquiera saben a dónde van.
Josiah
Speak English. Whaddya want me ta’ do?
Jose
Dile que pare! , ne quiero baja.
Maria
He say, “Stop car. We must leave you.”
Josiah
Leave us? Where ya’ goin?
Maria
We no can go with you. We must get out.
(Alejandro starts to cry)
Josiah
We can’t just dump you out here in the middle of the desert.
Maria
But we no go to California.
Josiah
Well, let us, at least, take you to the next town.
Maria
No, to next town. Afraid of people. No Spanish.
Lizzie
But ya’ jus’ can’t get out here. It’s hotter ‘n Hell out there. You’ll die of thirst.
(Alejandro now crying harder)
Jose
Hush, Alejandro! Maria, make quiet.
Josiah
I’m sorry. I jus’ can’t let you out here. Look down the road. There’s nothing for miles.
Jose
Open door, Thyme.
Thyme
No, Jose. We can’t let you out.
Maria
We are your prisoners?
Lizzie
No, no. Nothin’ like that. We are your salvation!
Maria
What “salvation?” What does this mean?
Thyme
It means we are here to help you.
Jose (proudly)
No help. Not need help!
Josiah
Well, if we dump ya’ out here, brother, you’re sure to need help real soon. It’s like a furnace out there. An’ y’all better take thought on that baby. Alejandro ain’t gonna last long with the two of you walkin’ down this road.
Jose
What he say?
Maria
El dice, “Es muy peligroso para Alejandro bajarnos en este calor.” I think he be right, Jose. Time to listen, not talk.
Thyme
I understand, Maria. You come all this way only to find us an’ our own troubles. We may all be runnin’ away from something, but really we’re … if ya’ look at it another way, … we’re all really runnin’ TO something. A better life, better people, people who will take us for who we are. We jus’ ain’t there yet. Jose, you have to be patient.
Jose
What she say?
Maria
Si tenemos paciencia, seguro vamos a tener una mejor vide y vamos a encontrar gente como nosotros.
Jose
I know nothing of this California. I only hear of New Mexico.
Josiah
Now lookee here, folks. Didja see that sign back there? Comin’ up here soon on the right. Darin’ Darryl’s somethin’ Diner. Maybe we better settle down a spell an’ consider things a bit more logic’ly over some food.
Lizzie
Whoa, now there’s an idea. We all could stand a little food fer thought. Make us think more practical-like!
Jose
Stop car. Let us out now!
Josiah
Jose, we will let you out. I promise. We will let you go if you want, but not in the middle of the desert! Not with that baby!
Maria
Jose, Josiah is right.
Jose
Si, si, si … Nobody listen to me …
Josiah
OK, now here’s another a’ them signs comin’ up. Lizzie, you read it out loud an’ I’ll slow down a little.
Lizzie
Ya’ slow down a little more an’ we’ll be stopped! We’re only goin’ 40 as it is.
Thyme (warning)
Lizzie …
Josiah
Here comes. Lizzie, you read it.
Lizzie
Uuuuuhhh … Darin’ Darryl’s Dipswitch Diner. Two miles. Five Dollar Friday – All Ya’ Can Eat Breakfast – Five Dollars! Now that’s the place fer us.
Thyme
Oh Josiah, you’re right. Let’s stop there? Ya’ think they still be servin’ breakfast at this hour?
Josiah
I donno, but we sure could pull in an’ find out. We ain’t gonna find a better deal than that!
Lizzie
Now we’re talkin’. Bacon an’ eggs. French toast. Jack cheeze an’ grits souffle. Oh my God, we done hit the jackpot. Jose, yer gonna love this!
(We hear the car slow down and pull off the road.)
Thyme
I donno, they look closed. Only one ol’ jalopy car in the parkin’ lot.
Lizzie
But them lights ‘re on. Jus’ pull in there, Josiah. I’ll git out an’ look in the window.
Josiah
Ya’ don’t have ta’. I can see in the window. Ain’t nobody there.
Lizzie
But the lights ARE on.
Thyme
Not a good sign if they’re open an’ nobody’s there.
Josiah
Maybe Darin’ Darryl’s jus’ darin’ us ta’ eat there.
Maria
I think I see person in window…
Lizzie
Yeah, somebody walked past the window. I say we give it a try. Whad’a we got ta’ lose?
Josiah
Well, either way, we may be losin’ our appetites. I guess we could give it a try.
Scene 3
(Music sting to pass a few moments in time)
(now indoors – We hear the little door opening bell ring)
Josiah
Howdy mam. You open for business?
Elvira
Howdy folks! Welcome ta’ Darin’ Darryl’s Dipswitch Diner.
Josiah
You open?
Elvira
You bet! N’ I can put all you folks immediately into our Deluxe Booth. No waitin’.
Josiah
Whaddya mean no waitin’? There ain’t nobody here.
Elvira
That’s right. That’s why there’s no waitin’! This is yer lucky day!
Lizzie
You still servin’ breakfast?
Elvira
This time a’ day?
Thyme
Yeah, the sign says …
Elvira
(interrupting)
If the sign says it’s Five Dollar Friday, honey, then I guess it’s Five Dollar Friday. We got no cause ta’ turn ya’ away. Grab a booth of your choice!
Lizzie
Well, darlin’ that’s easy since there’s only one of ‘em.
Elvira
Well that’s what I mean. Y’all take a seat. Oooo, that’s a cute little baby ya’ got there, Senorita. An’ Honey, I see you got one in the cooker there doncha?! We got the whole fam-dam-ly come for five dollar breakfast! I be right with ya’! Just gotta find the menus.
Lizzie
You lost the menus?
Gabriel (one liner)
An’ so they all sat at the booth of their choice. An’ waited … to be waited upon.
Thyme
What happened to the lady? Where’d she go?
Lizzie
She went ta’ find the menus. Then she prob’ly went ta’ wake up the cook. It’s decision time, people. Do we cut an’ run or do we take a chance with our lives at Darin’ Darryl’s Dipshit Diner?
Thyme
Shhh. Lizzie! Here she comes.
Elvira
Good afternoon, folks. Ma’ name’s Elvira, an’ I’ll be yer server today. Here’s the menu. An’ yer all in luck today. It’s chef Darryl Dipswitch, himself, in the kitchen.
Josiah
Ya’ only could find one menu?
Elvira
Well, we find most people like ta’ read it out loud. I’d be glad ta’ read it for ya’ if ya’ like.
Gabriel (one liner)
So everyone placed their order … an’ soon the conversation turned back ta’ the departure of Jose an’ Maria … an’ a’ course Alejandro.
Maria
So now, please explain why California so important as place to go.
Lizzie
Well, Maria, ever’body in the USA wants to live in California. It’s got movie stars, an’ Disneyland, an’ the Golden Gate Bridge fer god sake! Why, if we wanted to, we could all live together in Hollywood, I bet. Yeah, if we git out there we could buy us a house on Rodeo Drive! Howja like ta’ do that?
Jose
Disneyland? She say Disneyland?
Maria
Si. Disneyland.
Lizzie
That’s right Jose. It’s jus’ down the street from the Pacific Ocean.
Thyme
Now Lizzie, be careful whatcha say. You never been there before. Easy does it, girl.
Lizzie
I’m jus’ sayin’ …
Elvira
‘Scuse me, people. I couldn’t help it, but did I overhear that y’all are on yer way ta’ Disneyland?
Lizzie
That’s right, Elvira. We on our way out ta’ pay a visit ta’ Micky, Donald an’ Goofy.
Elvira
Ooooh … lucky you! Ooooh, Wow! How I love Disneyland! You might be interested ta’ know that I’m a bit of an authority on Disneyland.
Josiah
Zat so?
Lizzie
An’ what makes you so much an’ authority?
Elvira
Well, ma’ Pa took me there, back when I was 10 years old. I will never forget it. That day was possibly the best day a’ my life. I am from California, of course, ya’ know – an’ I guess I been tryin’ ta’ get back there ever since.
Lizzie
(brushing her off)
Well, that’s real nice, but I think we oughta …
Elvira
I’ll tell ya’ the truth. It’s my dream ta’ one day get a job waitressin’ in one of them Disneyland high style restaurants. That would be my idea of heaven.
Thyme
Wow! So, you been there, huh?
Elvira
Yeah, I been there … No matter what. Doncha miss it!
Scene 4a
Disneyland
Jose
(Wide-eyed)
Disneyland?
Josiah
That’s right. Jose. Ya see? Howja like ta’ take ol’ Alejandro ta’ Disneyland one a’ these fine days?
Jose
(Totally awed)
Disneyland?
Scene 4b
Elvira
That’s right.
Take him for a ride on that roller coaster.
Maria
Oh no, please, no … no.
Lizzie
Well then maybe jus’ a twirl in one a’ them teacups.
Maria
Still too fast. No. No …
Elvira
How ‘bout the Little Mermaid’s Undersea Adventure?
Maria
Under water? Alejandro no swim!
Lizzie
Well then, Dumbo the flying elephant
Maria
Lizzie! Just a baby! Alejandro no fly!
Lizzie and Elvira
Alice in Wonderland
Alejandro in Wonderland
Jus’ think of it
It’s so exciting
Why it’s more than I can stand
Lizzie
No fears, Maria. It’s all in fun! It’s all pretend. He’ll be as safe an’ snug as a bug ina’ rug!
We’ll take a ride on
Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
We’ll take a bath on
Splash Mountain
We’ll take a ride on peanuts ‘n popcorn
An’ choc’late fer lunch
An’ even dip our toes
In Cinderella’s Fountain
Thyme
Oh, how lovely, yes!
We’ll skip the spook house
It’s way too scary
We’ll hang out with Mickey Mouse an’ Minnie
An’ even Fairy Mary
An’ if at last we get there
Drivin’ the highway
An’ if we’re in luck
We’ll goof around with Goofy
An’ git it on with Donald Duck
Well, well, well …
An’ then we’ll finish off the day with Tinkerbell
On a flight with Peter Pan
An’ bid the Earth below a fond fond fare thee well
Our little band in Disneyland
Oh yes we’ll finish off the day with Tinkerbell
On a flight with Peter Pan
An’ bid the Earth below a fond fond fare thee well
Our little band down in Disneyland
All
We’ll take a ride on the roller coaster
An’ leave the Earth behind
Our little band in Disneyland
We’ll take a ride on
We’ll take a ride on the roller coaster
An’ leave the Earth behind
Our little band in Disneyland
We’ll take a ride on
We’ll take a ride on the roller coaster
An’ leave the Earth behind
Our little band in Disneyland
We’ll take a ride on
We’ll take a ride
On Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
We’ll take a bath on
Splash Mountain
We’ll take a ride on peanuts ‘n popcorn
An’ choc’late fer lunch
An’ even dip our toes
In Cinderella’s Fountain
We’ll take a ride on
Big Thunder Mountain!
We’ll take a ride on
The Mad Tea Party!
We’ll take a ride on
Indiana Jones!
We’ll take a ride on
The Millennium Falcon!
We’ll take a ride on
It’s A Small World!
We’ll take a ride on
Davy Crockett!
We’ll take a ride on
Disneyland Railroad!
We’ll take a ride on
Sailin’ Ship Columbia!
Jose (concerned)
Who is this man, Peter Pan?
(The song fades.)
(Reprise.)
Scene 5
Gabriel
And so, our little traveling band of escapees arrived at the threshold a’ bein’ a band a’ five. Well, if I am to be exact, perhaps five and half if we are to consider little Alejandro, who might not yet fall under the title of escapee. And if we are to be quite literal, then we must, of course, include the unborn child, who, as of yet, has no choice, though will soon become an escapee from the womb. Alas, they were counted six.
Scene 6
Maria
This Disneyland. It be far away?
Josiah
Just across New Mexico and Arizona. We can make it!
Thyme
An’ Maria, on the way you get to see America!
Elvira
Ooooh, I wish I could come with you!
Maria
This land not so different from home from which we run.
Lizzie
Oh, but it’s not all desert. Why there’s them purple mountain majesties all across the USA.
Thyme
That’s right. An’ you’re jus’ gonna love California!
Elvira
Ooooh, that’s right, Maria. Yer jus’ gonna love it! Mind if I sit down?
Maria
How do you know this? You have visited?
Thyme
Well … now I ain’t ‘zactly ever been there, … but I seen pictures.
Elvira
Oh, but I have! I’ve been there!
Lizzie
Jus’ you wait till you dip your toes into the Pacific Ocean!
Maria
Why would I do that?
Jose (interrupts)
How far? How far California?
Josiah
Why, once we get to Arizona, it’s jus’ over that next hill.
Lizzie
An’ the one after that …
Thyme
An’ the one after that …
Elvira
It’s not so far.
Maria
So please, I must understand … you promise? … this California … be land for us?
Josiah
Maria, truth is, we can’t promise anything, but with the grace a’ God we’ll git ya’ there. An’ once we’re there, we’ll all see that everyone is taken care of — even little Alejandro. We’re all in this together now. By the grace a’ God we will find our way.
Maria
Gracias, Mister Josiah. Thank you. We go with God, si?
Josiah
Si. We go with God, Maria.
Maria (pauses, considering)
Well … It is good. We go. Vamos con Dios.
Elvira
Ya’ know I’m thinkin’ I jus’ might join ya’ as well.
Josiah
That’s fine with me, but you think that ol’ jalopy sittin’ out there in the parkin’ lot can make it all the way ta’ L.A.?
Elvira
Oh, that’s not my car. That’s Darryl’s. I was thinkin’ I could hitch a ride with y’all.
Josiah
Elvira, we are full up. You’d hafta sit on Lizzie’s lap all the way ta’ California.
Lizzie
Don’t even think ‘bout it, Honey!
Elvira
Ooooh, I see. You’ll hafta go on without me, huh? Well, that’s jus’ my luck now, ain’t it?
Thyme
We’re sorry, Elvira. If we only had the room! Of course, you could …
Elvira
(crushed)
No, no, that’s all right. Maybe we’ll meet again in ma’ next life. So, you take care a’ that baby now, you hear? I got me a premonition that he’s gonna be somethin’ special. I seen it in the leaves a’ yo’ teacup. He gonna be somethin’ special all right … Y’all say hello ta’ Mickey fer me. Tell ‘im I miss ‘im.
Thyme
Ooooh, of course we will, Elvira. Of course we will. Have a good life! An’ maybe … maybe … we’ll all meet up again some day out in Disneyland …
(We hear Josiah start the car again. The engine roars to a funky rumble.)
Elvira
Well, goodbye, y’all. I get it. There sure ain’t no room in there fer the likes a’ me!
All
Goodbye, Elvira! Fare thee well! See ya’ ‘round! Adios, Amigo, Bye …etc.
(We hear the car driving away.)
Scene 7
Thyme
Oh look! She’s still standin’ there wavin’ goodbye! Ooooh I wish we coulda … Wha? Did you see that? One second she was standin’ there in the parkin’ lot, an’ the next second she weren’t.
Josiah
She weren’t what?
Thyme
She weren’t there. She jus’ up an’ disappeared!
Lizzie
Well, maybe she went lookin’ fer the rest a’ the menus.
(Chuckles)
Thyme
But that was so weird. She was jus’ gone … gone in the blink of an eye.
Jose
(Scrambling to understand)
Maria, … Maria, we go to Disneyland?
Scene 8
Gabriel
And so, on they drove, a periwinkle carriage crammed to the gills with wayfaring strangers, [Music] minus Elvira, the waitress, all brought together by fate, or perhaps by God, Himself, destined to change the course of Planet Earth as it spun through the heavens across the universe.
Scene 9
Disneyland Playoff
Elvira, Lizzie plus All
We’ll take a ride on the roller coaster
An’ leave the Earth behind
Our little band in Disneyland
We’ll take a ride on
We’ll take a ride on
We’ll take a ride on
We’ll take a ride on
We’ll take a ride on
